Jun
18
Serious rethinking
June 18, 2008 | 15 Comments
Normally today I would pen another edition of my Rethinking series, and in a sense I am going to do that. This is a weighty topic that I have given a lot of thought to, and I feel I should just come out and say what’s on my mind and in my heart.
As someone who has been a member of the Catholic Church all of my life I have waited for the reign of peace and harmony. Unfortunately, despite the continued efforts and promises made by the Catholic Church, people insist on sinning. All of the declararions, exhortations, and encycylicals have simply failed to produce the fruits we have been patiently waiting for. The Catholic Church has simply failed to establish the Earthly reign of God’s kingdom.
Therefore I have decided to join the International Church of Satan. It may seem odd that I would turn to such a religion if my goal is the elimination of sin and the true living out of God’s plan. But I believe it is folly to work to eradicate or even diminish the effects of sin in our fallen world. And though the Church of Satan holds views that are in complete conflict with every value that I and every other Christian holds so dear, I believe that by working with the Church of Satan, we can better accomplish our goals.
I visited with some members of the Church. And though I was forced to witness the ceremonial sacrifice of an unwilling virgin, I felt that there was some common ground between us. They are willing to listen to us Christians and seem earnest in their desire to truly give our point of view a fair hearing. And though the cries of agony of the poor woman greatly disturbed my soul, the Satanists plied me with tea and crumpets and really made me feel a whole lot better.
It is their politeness and open mindedness that gives me hope that we can work with them. The Catholic Church is too dogmatic, and its insistence that we actually pay attention to the words of Christ drives away too many people. The Satanists understand that you attract more flies with honey, or blood as the case may be. And though they informed me that they will not budge in their hope to see all Christians wiped out from the Earth, and that they will not be satisfied until the streets run red with the blood of all believers, I think we can achieve some kind of conciliation on a few issues. Besides, the one guy who did most of the talking had a really nice voice, and you just can’t doubt a guy who has a cool speaking voice.
I also think we overrate the pure awfulness of Satan. Quite frankly we have given him a bum rap. I have been assured by his most ardent supporters that he is in fact a fan of man. Some even say he’s a humanist. If we just give him a fair hearing I am sure we will be able to get past some of the issues that have conflicted us in the past.
In the end, it just comes down to who will accomplish the most good. Since we are never going to get people to stop sinning, our only option is to work with the Satanists in an effort to achieve common ground. Sure there is absolutely nothing that Satanists have ever said or done to make us think they are willing to achieve any kind of common ground, and of course there’s a chance that we may be embarking on a stategy that will completely destroy humanity. But I think we have to give this strategy a chance.
Comments
15 Comments so far
Outstanding! You’ve captured their viewpoint perfectly!
Seems to be a lot of that sort of rethinking going on these days, I suppose we should praise you for being so open minded and making peace with sin. Blessed are the peacemakers and all that stuff…
Rick Lugari, who was once scolded by a priest in the Communion line for having kneeled to receive Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament, is an accomplished procreationist having sired four children, but lacking any other notable accomplishments.
LOL, both to this post and to Rick’s comment.
This is, as we say on the planet, “freakin’ awesome”.
–Darwin
DarwinCatholic writes on all manner of opinions and was once told some very, very hurtful things by another Catholic, so you had better listen to him and not contradict anything he says or you will be like that baaaaaaaad Catholid.
Swift couldn’t have said it better.
A witty post indeed!
Cultural Catholics are not going to see the humor in this AT ALL as well as their moral confusion arising from their suspension of their Catholic beliefs in order to walk lockstep with Moloch.
Haha!
Ah this is excellent.
Thanks all for the kind comments. I truly appreciate them. And Rick – well done.
There is no reason not to hope that your plan will not work. We have all the time in the world. Of course, sin is exciting, so you’ll have to come up with some good arguments for the Satanists to give up stuff they enjoy doing. Tea and crumpets, eh? Was it some kind of sacrament?
Do they have an outpost near here? I just checked the Yellow Pages and find nothing in town under Church with their name.
Maybe Boston?
Do they kneel?
witty, witty indeed.
[...] some Catholics should cease promoting propaganda and advocating absurdity by returning to responsible and reality-based political commentary. Criticism of Obama’s [...]
[...] Con hits this one out of the park. PermaLink | | Trackback/Pingback [...]
Cute. Very funny although a bit over the top. There is a balance between being faithful to the teachings of the church and being a pain in the butt.
Wait, you’re talking about Congressional Republicans, right?
[...] Rethinking Catholicism. Hmmm, while I do have my issues with the Church, I don’t think I am quite ready to go this [...]